


52Hz to Find You

by aewing



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Muteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-27 02:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17153483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewing/pseuds/aewing
Summary: taeyong just wants to be found. conservatory/music school au





	52Hz to Find You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taeyongseo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongseo/gifts).



> the **_italics_** denotes words spoken in sign language
> 
> this is my first fic in years, so please be gentle with me.

Summer is here.

Taeyong feels it in the way the wind is carrying the warmth of the sun. Everything is bright, everything is warm. The sky is a bright blue with puffs of white clouds all over. Summer always brings such a pretty sight. 

But more than that.

Taeyong tilts his head and finds it. Ah there, that soft rustling sound of the leaves. A tone so subtle, filling up the space like the way the sunlight is filtering through the foliage. The soft swishing sounds of papers, the hums coming from the AC, girls laughing and that rustling tone. They all come together through the harmony of summer.

Taeyong closes his eyes and pictures a melody in his mind – the soft movements of wrist, the way the bow would sink into the strings of his cello, moving in crescendo before drifting, drifting softly. He thinks about the accompanying piano keys, and the emotions they would bring. Maybe later when he’s not as sleep deprived as he is right now, he’ll try to pen down the note for his next composition. But as it is, Taeyong has to hold back his yawn. The preparation for midsummer concert is really draining his energy. 

A quick glance to the far corner of the library finds Taeyong the sight of Doyoung diligently rearranging and cataloging the books. Taeyong half wishes that it’s his turn to do the cataloging. Of all days, why do they have to switch today? It’s Tuesday, which probably is the most mundane day of the week. Though weirdly enough, Tuesday is also the most packed day of the week. 

Taeyong actually knows why. Despite Yuta’s insistence about how Taeyong can be so naive and cooped up in his own world, Taeyong actually do takes notes of his environment. He knows that the omegas like to visit the library each Tuesday for a reason only. And that reason should be here any minute now. 

Then. Just like a clockwork, Taeyong hears the telltale smooth footsteps coming in close to his desk. Looking up, he finally sees the tall and handsome figure of Seo Youngho. His golden eyes seem to shimmer in the afternoon glow and he’s looking like the every bit alpha that he is. Beautiful, tall and perfect.

“Hi.” Even his voice is filled with the smooth, warm timbre. Like a shot of amber whiskey. “You’re new. Where’s Doyoung?” he says as he puts the book to the counter.

Taeyong tilts his head to where Doyoung is. This is the first time Taeyong is being close and personal with the alpha. Seo Youngho really is beautiful. Alphas are built like that. To command attention in every space they’re in. Understandably, Taeyong feels like his heart is going to jump out of his chest. Apparently even as a beta, Taeyong is not immune to his charms. So Taeyong tries to ignore it by pretending to be busily entering the book code to the system. Had he been more delusional, Taeyong would argue that he can feel how that pair of eyes are watching him with such attention.

But they’re not. Taeyong is just being silly. That doesn’t stop his cheeks from being flushed though. Thankfully, Seo Youngho is being oblivious, or perhaps being kind enough not to mention Taeyong’s flustering antics. 

“You’re not much of a talker, huh.” Unable to resist the soft alluring voice, Taeyong finally looks up and finds the alpha’s amused face in front of him. Taeyong tries to smile as he hands the alpha the book. And oh. Such beautiful fingers he has, Taeyong notices when their hands graze against each other. 

_Oh_. 

There’s a buzz of something when their fingers touch. A subtle tilt, weak but definitely there. Taeyong blinks and just like that, Seo Youngho is nowhere seen. Well, that was unexpected. Apparently the alpha isn’t as perfect as he appears to be. 

Returning his attention to the returned book, Taeyong flips through the pages. Inside, Taeyong finds the slips of notes. This is not the first time. He’s noticed that Mr. Seo often left behind such note like this. So he folds them neatly and set them aside in the case of their owner is looking for them the next day. But as he does so, Taeyong cannot shake away the jittery feeling that lingers in the wake of Seo Youngho’s presence. 

-

The next time he sees Seo Youngho is when Taeyong is performing his gig with Ten. It’s a fancy dinner party and, verbatim to the host’s word, they need people like Taeyong and Ten to put the class inside the room. Though how a cello rendition of Ed Sheeran’s Shape of You would do the job, Taeyong doesn’t really know. But it’s an easy money and he wants to give his mother something special for Christmas.

Taeyong doesn’t know if the alpha notices him or not, but Taeyong definitely takes notice on him. How could he not, he looks so dashing in a three piece suit, looking every bit like the alpha that he is. Taeyong wants to avert his eyes, but he seems to unable to. There's something so captivating about him. Taeyong knows it's probably the alpha gene in him, but Taeyong feels that it's something beyond that. It's like a siren call. And even weirder, it’s as if his body is attuned to the alpha’s presence.

“Seo Youngho.”

Taeyong turns his eyes to Ten. The name makes his heart jolt. After that Tuesday, his heart seem to take a mind of their own whenever the name is being mentioned. Taeyong sighs and puts down his chopsticks. Now that they’ve wrapped the last set of their performance, Ten and him are enjoying the courtesy dinner along with other performers. There's that twinkle in Ten’s eyes. Taeyong doesn't like it a bit. 

“You are not exactly being subtle, hyung.” The other boy is smiling mischievously. “I know the guy, you know. We were childhood friends.”

Ten is enjoying too much of the way Taeyong is flustering under his knowing gaze. And then he smirks, and Taeyong feels that Ten is about to do something dramatic. Whatever it is that Ten is planning on doing, Taeyong is against it a hundred percent. He shakes his head vehemently. _No. No. No,_ Taeyong signs frantically but it’s all too late because Ten has taken his hand before sauntering to where Seo Youngho is. Taeyong wishes he could stop Ten from taking him along. But Ten has an iron grasp, so all Taeyong can do is follow.

“Johnny-boy!” Ten greets cheerfully. Ten is so unlike Taeyong. He’s confident and is always at ease with himself. For an alpha, Ten is also quite unconventional, petite and almost as pretty as any omega. Ten is charming and Taeyong’s pretty sure that no one can resists Ten even if they want to. And that includes Seo Youngho. 

Upon seeing Ten’s presence, the other alpha is opening his arms wide and soon enough Ten is jumping into his hold. Taeyong can only stand awkwardly at the sidelines. There are laughter and Taeyong thinks he can probably get away while the two alphas are busy talking.

But then that soft warm timbre is calling onto him. “Hey, you.” For the second time ever, Taeyong finds Seo Youngho’s smiling face before him. “I was about to greet you two once I’m able to get away from these boring conversations. I didn’t know that you’re Ten’s bandmate? Cello-mate? How do you guys call yourselves anyway.”

Taeyong shouldn’t take the taller alpha’s frowning face as cute, but there he is. Ten giggles in his reply, “We’re bandmate. Also, I see that you’re still as busy as ever. Mooching up to old dudes and their money, eh.”

Taeyong is not the least surprised. Everyone’s known for a while that the alpha has already been named as the heir of Seo’s business empire. Despite being praised as a piano prodigy, there's no doubt that Seo Youngho would end up as a businessman instead of a pianist. The library where Taeyong does his part time job is actually belong to the business school where Youngho goes to. It's only thanks to Doyoung's reference that Taeyong is able to work there. And Taeyong has seen enough days where Youngho's surrounded by business books, business plans scattered around him and musical notes in his hand. The alpha is an ambitious one.

“Yeah, well. A duty is a duty.” Youngho shrugs easily. He diverts his attention to Taeyong once again and smiles, “and what about you? You haven’t told me your name.”

Ten gasps before he’s cackling with mirth. “Oh my God, I can’t believe that the smooth Seo Youngho is finally making a faux pas.”

“What are you talking about, Chittaphon?” Youngho actually looks annoyed and Ten’s laughter only gets louder. Taeyong cannot help his amusement.

“Johnny. Johnny. Johnny,” Ten grins widely, “Johnny Seo Youngho, I’m surprised that you haven’t noticed. My friend here is a mute.”

\--

By the end of the night, Ten is more than just buzzed. He’s full blown drunk whilst Taeyong and Youngho are only slightly tipsy. Youngho can hold his liquor but Taeyong’s soberness is more of a byproduct of him being painfully aware of his low tolerance level. With difficulty, they finally manage to bring Ten home. Now that Ten is safely tucked in his bed, Taeyong can finally go home. 

It’s late and he’s thankful that Youngho is offering him a lift home. The last time he’s going home this late, Taeyong almost had an unpleasant encounter with random drunkards on the street. If not for the emergency buzzer given to him by Yuta, Taeyong might have not make it through that night. 

The drive is quiet and uneventful. It's actually quite nice how Youngho has taken Taeyong’s special condition with strides, but even so Taeyong feels like there’s this weird undercurrent between them. Like a band stretched so far that it begins to rip at the seams. Taeyong shakes his head, it must be the night that gets to him. It’s probably nothing and Taeyong is just being over his own head. Thankfully Youngho makes no comment about whatever it is between them. If any, that is.

Fifteen minutes later, they’re finally standing in front of Taeyong’s small apartment door. The building is rather shabby but it is clean, and it’s probably a quite 180 condition compared to Youngho’s luxurious apartment. The alpha is about four inches taller than him and their arms keep on bumping each as they walk together in the narrow hallway. 

Taeyong is about to sign goodbye when he catches the way Youngho is watching him with a strange look on his face. Suddenly his mouth feels dry and Taeyong is reminded to the tension between them. It’s thick and strained with something. Something that is about to break. 

Feeling the heat creeping up on his face, both shy and embarrass for being caught red handed staring, Taeyong abruptly turns around to busy himself trying to unlock the door. 

But then.

“I cannot stop looking at you,” Youngho is whispering so softly. Taeyong feels the heat of his body as he crowds Taeyong to the door. He thinks he can feel the warm puffs of Youngho’s breaths ghosting against the nape of his neck. 

Youngho’s voice is hoarse as he says, “I feel – I feel like I am about to crash into you.”

Taeyong shivers as he fumbles with the passcode. There’s that telltale beeping sound, and Taeyong turns around only to be caged inside Youngho’s arms. But then Youngho blinks, and removes his arms, before reaching out and pausing in mid air, as if he’s unable to decide on what to do with a boy like Taeyong. 

“Who are you?”

Taeyong is just Taeyong, that much he knows. But Youngho seems to have other ideas as he leans down and catches Taeyong’s lips in a kiss that leaves him weak to his knees.

The door clicks open and just like that Seo Youngho is entering the life of Lee Taeyong.

-

Taeyong wakes up so slowly. He wakes up with soreness in places he’s not familiar with. He wakes up with a strange feeling blooming in his chest.

And he wakes up in an empty bed. 

-

Taeyong’s just turning off the stove when Yuta enters his flat. As promised, there are two packages of large portion tteokbokki. Later, Kun will bring the drinks and Doyoung – if he’s not being his usual lazy self, will be bringing in the cakes. Taeyong is excited as it’s the first time in weeks that they manage to get together. Somehow auditions, practices, and gigs always gets in their way. Not to mention how Yuta’s been dedicating much of his time obsessing over a doctor at SNUH.

Doyoung as per usual thinks that it’s a bad idea, as surely an omega from a highborn family like Yuta must already have his hand promised to an alpha of similar nobility. Besides there’s always a chance that Yuta would imprint to another, or that doctor vice versa. Alphas like Doyoung and omegas like Yuta and Kun, have the privilege of imprinting on their side. Taeyong thinks it must be nice to have that certainty that someone somewhere is truly made for you. 

But Yuta is not Yuta if he’s not being persistent. Taeyong has to give him that. 

Without Yuta’s persistence he’d doubt he’d ever get this far in life. Yuta is the first person to befriend him as a new conservatory student. Then came Doyoung. Kun and Ten is like a package deal. Without them, Taeyong would probably end up as a loner and a hermit with no social skills. Thing is Taeyong isn’t always calm and serene as he is today. He used to have anger issues, so bad that his parents had him enroll in some music therapy session. Which worked wonders on him. At least there’s this one thing in life that is finally working out for him.

The next person to arrive is Doyoung and he’s already grumbling because he had to drag himself away from his bed. The cake is exceptional, Taeyong is always fond of sacher torte while Kun would definitely enjoy the slice of strawberry cheesecake. They already set up the table when said boy finally arrives. He looks amazing with his new blond hair. When teased by Yuta, Kun simply says things about how he just can’t refuse Sicheng’s request to experiment with his hair, which then gets a nod from Yuta. Of course Yuta can relate. He’s as whipped as Taeil hyung is to Sicheng.

“You cook the best pasta, hyung,” says Kun as he helps Taeyong cleaning up the table.

_Thank you, Kun._ Taeyong is happy with the praise. He likes it when people are enjoying his food. Doyoung then helps them with the remaining plates while Yuta is preparing the game console. Just like cello, Taeyong is also obsessed with gaming. Soon enough Taeyong has them beaten in the game. 

Doyoung sighs and flops to the couch, complaining, “I honestly don’t know how you do it, hyung. Why are you so good at everything?”

Taeyong shakes his head and bites his lips. It’s not like Taeyong is super talented. He’s just into learning things. Cello, composing, gaming and even cooking. Taeyong doesn’t have much going on on his life, but if there’s one thing he can do well is to try his best and to be committed in whatever he does in such full dedication. Even if he’s not as talented as other people, Taeyong thinks he can always work hard to pursue his skill.

“Damn right. I heard Berlin Philharmonic wants you to audition for them,” Yuta adds from the kitchen counter. He’s busy making ramen for them. “If that’s not a testament of your skill, I don’t know what is.” 

Taeyoung pouts whilst signing. **_I don’t know what you’re talking about._**

Yuta then actually whines, “This is not the time for fake modesty, Taeyong. I’m actually so fucking lucky that I’ve chosen piano as my weapon of choice so that we are never head to head against each other.”

“And me, violin,” Kun giggles to his beer. “Ten has told me enough of your prowess. Taeyong hyung this, Taeyong hyung that.”

Taeyong would like to disagree. Out of the two of them, Ten is probably the better cellist. Taeyong is not being modest. He’s aware that his skill in cello is far from mediocre but he knows that he’s not the outlier. Someone somewhere is probably playing their cello better than Taeyong ever could. 

“Oh!” Yuta says excitedly, “Speaking of which, I heard that there are some positions open for Seoul Chamber. They’re booked for an impromptu winter performance. So if any of you gentleman would like to get extra cash and finding some rich patron, you can try it out.”

“So it’s like a Christmas concert?”

“Hansol hyung said that it’s not really a public event. I heard that Seo Youngho’s the one to commission it for his sister in law. Rich people are weird like that.”

Taeyong tries not wince upon hearing Youngho’s name. It’s been weeks since the night happened. It’s stupid to still be so affected and hung up over something like that. Taeyong’s a full blown adult, he shouldn’t be so disappointed in the way Youngho’s leaving his bed cold in the morning. The fact that he’s hooking up with Youngho is already such a fluke, as it’s sort of rare for an alpha and a beta to hook up. It's not as frowned upon as the olden days, but the idea of an alpha or an omega being together with a beta is still new and weird. There's a reason why it’s still really rare to see a lasting relationship out of the combination.

Taeyong doesn’t know how to approach the issue. He doesn’t know the ethics of meeting your one night stand, much so if the partner is an alpha. So he goes all out to avoid Youngho at the campus and the library. Doyoung might have taken notice because Taeyong has never been a good liar. 

He knows that whatever it is that he’s feeling inside must be written all over his face right now. if he hasn't figure it out, Taeyong thinks that look on his face would have given Doyoung the biggest hint by now. True to his prediction, Doyoung's looking at him with such concerned eyes. 

But ignorance is bliss. So Taeyong tries to get back into the conversation, nods at the right moment, smiles when he needs to, as he gently trying to push that weird lingering feeling aside. Slowly so slowly, until the name Seo Youngho is nothing but a fading memory.

-

“Seo Youngho.” 

Taeyong turns to see Doyoung with a scoff on his face. “Hyung, I can’t believe you fell for that guy.”

So, it only takes Doyoung two days to figure things out. Taeyong never doubts his brain, and Doyoung is observant enough to see how Taeyong’s been keeping a list of the book Johnny’s borrowed from the library. 

But honestly, Taeyong would appreciate his concern more, if this talk is to be done on the morning Tayong actually gets an eight hours of sleep. It’s really too early to deal with this. So Taeyong ignores him and returns to his task of labeling and rearranging the books before him. 

Taking the seat next to Taeyong, Doyoung continues his pestering, “Honestly hyung, he’s probably waiting to imprint on some sweet omega lady to continue his bloodline like that.” 

Taeyong could only sighs. Doyoung didn’t have to say it because contrary to his belief, Taeyong actually knows himself well. Taeyong’s a realistic kind of person, he knows his limitation. And he knows that whatever it was that has transpired between him and Youngho is probably nothing. 

Taeyong also knows that despite his prickly attitude, Doyoung means well. He does however, feel annoyed with the way Doyoung is currently grumbling under his breaths. Thankfully the library is mostly empty at mid mornings where the classes are full save from some post graduates students busy taking notes and cramming for their paper. 

The positive side of being unable to talk is that Taeyong is not pressured to respond on a disagreement. So Taeyong shifts back his attention to count the books he’s been labeling since morning and is oddly pleased at the way the colors are arranged.

After a few moments of silence, Doyoung leans back against his seat. “He’s been looking for you, you know.”

After a quite while, Taeyong finally signs to Doyoung, **_He?_**. Curious.

Doyoung purses his lips disapprovingly at Taeyong. “Seo Youngho. He’s been looking for you, hyung.”

\--

Despite his better judgment, Doyoung has actually given Taeyong’s number to Youngho. 

And two days later, Taeyong gets a text from the alpha. It’s short and awkward and Taeyong is thisclose of having an anxiety attack. Doyoung is looking at him weirdly, as if Taeyong is about to break anytime now, because of course Youngho is texting him during his library shift with Doyoung. 

_Hi Taeyong. So, uh this is Youngho. Ten’s friends, remember?_

After taking five minutes of freaking out, Taeyong finally texts back. _Hi Youngho, how are you? ^^_

Taeyong thinks his texts is kinda dumb, but to be fair, he’s never been in a situation like this, where someone would text him after a weird one night stand.

_I’m great, thank you! So uh, I’m sorry if this is too forward, but I was thinking if we can have dinner together? I mean only if you want to of course._

Taeyong nearly drops his phone when he reads the message. And after a quick google on how to respond, he finally replies back. _Sure! When are you free? ^^_

It doesn’t take two seconds to have Youngho replying back. _What about tonight? I saw you working at the library today, so can I pick you up at three. We can get a coffee before going for dinner._

Taeyong actually has a scheduled practice session with Ten this evening but he knows that Ten can also use a breather seeing that he’s being swamped by works and assignments. So when he gets the greenlight from Ten, Taeyong returns the text, _Three sounds great. See you soon then!^^_

_I’ll see you soon Taeyong :)_

Taeyong shouldn’t be over the moon for that smiley emoji, but he is. And for a while he lets himself be and enjoy the moment.

\--

Youngho shows up at two past forty five. Taeyong is busy fiddling with his cello case when he sees the tall alpha. Youngho’s dressed in casual clothes but still looking as immaculate as ever. And when Youngho is smiling at him, Taeyong cannot help to smile back.

“Hi,” Youngho is taller than what Taeyong remembers, and he actually looks embarrass as he apologizes, “I’m sorry for leaving without a note. I was in a bit of panic.”

_Oh._ It never actually crosses Taeyong’s mind that whatever they had was such a big issue for Youngho. So he smiles and shakes his head, as if saying that it’s okay, that Taeyong’s not expecting anything out of the night. “I was being an asshole, so I’m so happy that you allow me to take you for dinner.” There’s a tell tale blush on Youngho’s cheeks and Taeyong shouldn’t find it so cute.

“Is that your cello?” Youngho asks and Taeyong nods. “Is it okay if I carry it for you?” 

Taeyong is not in the habit of allowing just about anyone to touch his cello, but something about Youngho just eases his heart. Something that puts a slight pleasant buzz in his chest. Taeyong doesn’t know what to make of it. 

But for now Taeyong would just go with the flow, and lets Youngho breezes into his life. 

\--

“I have always love the beach.” The night finds Taeyong and Youngho, at the beach, standing side by side. Youngho already has his jeans fold up to his knees after having running around chasing the waves. He looks happy and Taeyong thinks summer nights are best spend on the beach where he can feel the breeze freely brushes over his face. 

There’s a pull and before he knows it, Taeyong is being held by Youngho’s warm, warm arms. He feels the warmth radiating from Youngho’s chest, he feels how their body fits with each other. How Youngho molds perfectly to Taeyong’s curve. 

There’s only the sound of the breeze and the waves. After what seems like eternity, Youngho finally speaks, barely audible enough for Taeyong to hear, "I’m sorry" and Taeyong isn't sure on what to say, isn’t sure if there are things between them, important enough to warrant his forgiveness, but he feels it, the way Youngho’s eyes are set on him, expecting. 

So he nods anyway, because while he doesn't really understand, but Taeyong knows that he would give everything to have Youngho so close to him. Taeyong squeezes the hand that is draped across his chest, holding him, and Youngho continues, a little less weary this time, "You must’ve feel it too. The pull, the magnetic forces after that night happened. The imprinting. It’s new and raw to me.”

Taeyong’s thought about it, has his own suspicion, but to have it spelled out in the open brings a whole new different emotion. Imprinting belongs to the archaic tradition of the old tribes and kings. It’s nothing but a formality in the name. It's still highly regarded but it isn't the end all and be all of everything as they used to be. And it rarely happens between an alpha and a beta like Taeyong.

But it does. And Youngho, Taeyong’s probably not the one he wants. Because things like this don’t happen to people like Taeyong. 

Taeyong feels wetness on his cheeks. It’s the cold faint drizzle of the rain carried by the breeze. There’s that buzz again and Taeyong is overwhelmed with emotion. He doesn’t understand. But Youngho’s touch grounds him. 

Taeyong turns around, sees the lights and the streets, the quiet hum of cars and rain, people walking by, and Youngho’s look of equal sadness, and he feels a little guilty to see him looking small, so precious and fragile. Intimate, as if Taeyong is seeing something that isn't meant to be seen.

Youngho reaches out his hand to wipe the drops of the rain off of Taeyong's face. We don’t have to change, Taeyong wants says. But Taeyong feels as if he's bursting at the seams with everything he had always wanted to say but never could, because there’s no one to listen and no one who cares, and he is alone like a lost whale in the midst of the ocean. 

But here is his chance. Someone, who by some sort of twist fate, is meant by the universe to be his half, to be the one that is meant only for him. Taeyong inhales sharply, anguish and anxiety is filling up his lungs, taking over his body, taking over his heart and his soul, mind, everything

But Youngho is silent, and his gaze is sad. And Youngho holds him closer, almost like he's on the verge of tears. And Taeyong realizes the bittersweet of this imprinting. And how suddenly everything is so unfamiliar and new and he's not sure how to make it understandable. 

He could have - should have let Youngho go, but Taeyong is selfish like that. So he keeps Youngho close and lets his presence comforts him. 

And when he’s standing before Taeyong’s door, Youngho is kind and understanding. 

“I'm sorry.” He says with sad, wistful tone.

But before he can walk away, Taeyong catches the sleeve of his shirt, desperate. Youngho says nothing, but he does lean closer and kisses Taeyong at his forehead. “Good night, Taeyong.”

His footsteps echo down the hall, hollow. As is Taeyong’s heart that night.

-

Sometimes, Taeyong is unsure if the night ever happened. If it’s not a weird incident coming from a feverish dream. It doesn’t really help that Youngho never texts him back. Perhaps Taeyong really is that pitiful. But life goes on. It doesn’t stop for anyone, much so for people like Taeyong. 

So he goes to practice, he works hard for that principal cello position in the next recital, he smiles and he tries to forget. He's doing every distraction he needs. So when Kun asks him and Yuta to replace him in a volunteer works he’s been doing at SNUH, Taeyong is more than happy to do it.

The cancer ward is full of people from many walk of life. There are children with shaved head, children who looks healthy but with anxious parents next to them, and adults with skin so tight, it stretches against their bone. Taeyong’s glad to see the cheers as he plays the last note of Viva La Vida with Yuta putting the ending with such flourish. 

His best friend has always been a little bit of a performer, Taeyong thinks with a smile. Yuta is also very bright, both in mind and in personality. The patients are happy and it’s wonderful to see such a warm reception. And honestly Taeyong has never had more fun in doing an impromptu performance than now.

The sky is almost dark when they end their session, and Taeyong’s just closing his cello case when Yuta appears from the doorway. He asks, “Hansol-hyung wants to treat us for a drink, you in?”

Ji Hansol is Yuta’s current infatuation. They haven’t imprinted on each other, but even if they imprint to another alpha or omega, Taeyong’s certain that Yuta would find a way to make it work. Despite what has happened between him and Youngho, Taeyong won’t let the bitterness get to him. Besides Taeyong knows that no one has ever make Yuta smile the way Hansol does. Maybe all they need is a little more time. And a little more space. So Taeyong decides to reject the offer. Maybe Yuta will have a better luck than him. Hansol seems like a responsible fellow, but isn’t Youngho the same way?

But Yuta is not Taeyong so maybe that’s what will make all the differences. 

\--

On his way out, Taeyong feels a sense of melancholy washes over him. Fall is here and Youngho is still nowhere to be seen. The trees have begun to shed it leaves, soon winter will come and bringing in the fresh clean snow. It'd be a new do over. 

But life is funny like that. Just when Taeyong is about to reach the hospital gate, he’s met with Youngho. This time Youngho is looking more than just a little tense, he is gaunt and tired. He smiles thinly, “Hi Taeyong, how are you?”

Taeyong knows a perfunctory politeness when he hears one. So he stand a little taller and puts a smile on his face – the one that should say how he’s alright and happy. But he’s also a little angry, so he bows quickly and tries to walk past Youngho. Really, it’s been months. It shouldn’t hurt so bad. 

But it does.

And Taeyong just wants to get away and forget. But Youngho won’t let him because now he’s grasping his hand, and winces at the look on Taeyong’s face. 

“I—I’m sorry.” Youngho has the decency to look ashamed of himself. “Look Taeyong, I’m sorry. I know I've been a jerk to you, but it’s just so many things—” and stops abruptly. He’s silent while still holding Taeyong’s hand and Taeyong doesn’t know why, but he lets him be.

“The truth is... I-I'm afraid.” 

Taeyong doesn’t understand. Youngho has nothing to lose. And Taeyong refuses to let himself being fooled once again. So he pulls his hand out of Youngho’s grasp. But then Youngho has to whisper so softly, “Please, Taeyong please ... Please let me explain.”

Taeyong supposes that what they say about imprinting is real, how imprinting makes you willing to do just about anything for your other half, because right now Taeyong feels like Youngho can do just about anything he wants to Taeyong’s heart, breaking it in two, and when it heals it will only beats for Youngho.

\--

The room is airy and spacious. It’s filled with flowers and soft things that is pleasing for the sense. In the corner of the room, a piano in white is occupying its space. The soft tinkling sound fills the air. It’s a more modern piece, Jan. A.P. Kaczmarek’s Piano Variation in Blue. It’s lovely and so befitting with the lovely omega who’s playing the piece. 

When the piece is ending, the piano player glances up at Youngho, with a smile. "Youngho?"

"Noona, this is Taeyong." Youngho’s hand is steady at the small of his back. Taeyong is probably looking like a mess and smells like hospital disinfectant. He looks to his feet, then shyly looking up. They stare at each other for a moment, Taeyong feels the hot blush of his cheeks. She is so beautiful.

The piano player has that little amused look, she glides and takes Taeyong’s hand despite Youngho worrying. “Lee Taeyong-ssi, I’ve seen you play," the piano player says in her melodic voice. “I am Im Yoona. Youngho’s sister.” 

_Oh._ So this is the reason why Youngho is so sad, Taeyong realizes with a pang in his chest. 

“Noona, this is my imprint.” There’s a smile on Youngho’s face, and Taeyong’s heart did not just skip a beat. 

Yoona’s hands are cold and dry to the touch. Taeyong sees the pallor of her face, the faint aura and the subtle fragility of his figure. And Taeyong sees it now. The depth of Youngho’s grieve.

Next to him Youngho is looking at Yoona like she’s something precious and worthy. Like she’s the world. And Taeyong wants to be jealous, but instead he is saddened and empty.

So he takes Youngho's hand in his and hopes that it’s enough to anchor him. 

-

“I’m sorry, I wish I was a better person,” Youngho says with his mouth latched on to Taeyong’s throat. Taeyong’s chest is stuttering beneath him, collapsing underneath his perfect figure. Youngho shifts his hips and Taeyong is letting him sink in. “I want to—I want to,” he says as the rhythm is broken by the way Taeyong tightens around him, the way sex overwhelms him.

“I want to be better for you,” he whisper as he rests his forehead against Taeyong's, hips still moving like a crescendo. Taeyong gasps and he wonders if Youngho feels weird about the sounds he doesn’t make, if Youngho could ever love him the way he deserves to be love. Youngho’s fingers tangle in his hair, sliding against his scalp, and Taeyong’s arms shake as he tries to bring Youngho’s closer.

But Youngho draws away, and looks at him with an unreadable look, stroking Taeyong’s hair away from his face, before leaning down and kissing the faint scar next to his eye. Weird how such gesture is able to bring the familiar burn behind Taeyong’s eyes, so he pulls Youngho down and gasps when the white lights hit, and all that Taeyong could do is to curl his hand above Youngho’s chest, trying to be as close to his heart as possible, trying to say the words he cannot say.

_love me, love me, love me_

-

When Taeyong opens his eyes, the apartment is already pitch dark. For a brief moment he’s disoriented, but then he feels the soft lights coming from his side. He looks up to see Youngho scrolling through his phone whilst holding Taeyong close to his chest. No wonder Taeyong feels warm. 

“Awake?” Youngho whispers so softly. Taeyong feigns his sleep instead, burrowing himself closer to the warmth of Youngho’s chest. The alpha just laughs, “You’re cute.”

It’s fortunate that the room is dark or Youngho would have seen the reds on his cheeks. Youngho puts down his phone, and shifts to hold Taeyong closer. It’s probably the first time Taeyong gets cuddled by other people than his noona or Yuta. And if Youngho feels the stiffness in his posture then the alpha is wise enough not to say anything

Instead he holds him close and whispers to his ear, “You have me trapped Taeyong, and I don’t think I can get away from this.”

-

Doyoung thinks his performance is great. He keeps on repeating his rendition of Pezzo Capricioso and looking somewhat in awe. Doyoung thinks that he should send the performance video to Berlin Philharmonic, in case they are still looking for a cellist. Taeyong doesn’t put too much attention on it even when Kun is joining the argument.

Apparently Yoona noona shares the same sentiment. Because she’s as excited as Doyoung is when Youngho shows her the video of Taeyong’s performance.

**_You are meant for great things, Taeyong-ah._** The fact that Yoona noona is able to do sign language further shows Taeyong about how perfect she is.

**_But I’m not,_** she signs through a giggle fit. **_Youngho is being too much._** Her laughter sounds like tinkling bells, and Taeyong understands why people loves her so much. 

Outside in the garden where the leaves are yellow and when it’s finally just the two of them, Yoona noona holds his hand with such tenderness. “You have such beautiful soul Taeyong. I am happy that Youngho finally finds you. Now I can leave in peace”

Taeyong looks at him worryingly. **_Noona, please don’t say things like that, Youngho loves you very much._**

“Youngho loves me because I am the closest thing he has as a family for the longest time. It was never love, it’s an infatuation.”

There’s a soft gusts of wind coming through the garden, winter is near. Taeyong fixes the wool scarf draped around her shoulders. “I’m sure you know about his parents death a few years back. It killed his brother too.” Then she continues with a sad smile, “I was in love with him you know, Youngho's brother.”

Taeyong doesn’t know what to say. But he sits there and listens.

“But despite our imprinting, it wasn’t meant to be. He’s in love with another person, we tried to make it work but his love was far too great for that person.” There’s a soft exhalation and Taeyong is worried if this is too much for her. But she continues with a determination, “I just couldn’t accept it. So we fought and we hurted each other with unkind words. I wished that he’d just disappeared. And the next morning I received the news about the accident.”

Taeyong squeezes her hand, letting her know that he’s here. “I know that it’s not my mistake. But I can’t help but wondering. Am I a bad person, Taeyong-ah? I don’t want much, I just wanted to be loved. Youngho would probably hate me if he knows the truth...”

**_When I was a kid, I watched this documentary about whales, noona. There’s this whale, he’s so elusive, and alone in the vast wide ocean. There’s this sound he makes in a pitch so particular that it can only be heard by another whale of his kind. And I remembered crying myself to sleep, feeling so desolate by the voices I couldn’t make..._**

Taeyong grasps at her hand, **_Noona, do you know why I play my cello? It’s because someone once told me that cello has the closest quality of a human’s voice. I want to be heard, I want to be found. And I want to be loved, and it’s alright if we are hurt along the way or if we are being a little selfish, we are human after all..._**

**_Noona, you are not a bad person. No matter what you think about yourself, Youngho loves you very much, and it will never change_**

“You are right.” Yoona smiles a watery smile and she is so beautiful, “Youngho is so lucky to have you.”

Taeyong thinks about the moments where Youngho is anxious and afraid, when Taeyong’s fingers are the only thing that grounds him. 

And maybe Yoona noona is right. Maybe Youngho is the lucky one. 

-

It’s the first day of winter when Yoona noona finally leaves the world behind. 

Taeyong plays the first movement of Elgar’s concerto because it’s the closest thing to resemble how the heart breaks and grieves over the pain. 

And when everything is over, Taeyong mumbles into Youngho’s skin where he can feel him shaking. He twines their fingers together, and keeps it close to his chest. Their bed is small but it is safe. And Youngho looks into Taeyong’s eyes like he’s trusting him with everything. 

_It’s okay,_ he says through the quiet grasps of hands, _let me see you like this, let me keep you safe._

And when Youngho finally breaks, Taeyong is there to pick up the pieces.

-

“Tell me what you want.”

**_To be happy_**.

Youngho laughs at his answer. Now that he’s somewhat fluent in doing the signs, he keeps on asking Taeyong’s opinion about everything. They’re lazing around on the bed. Outside, it begins to snow and Taeyong is decked in fluffy jumpers and thick woolen socks. Youngho can be too much when he’s in his fussing mode.

"You will be happy, Yongie," Youngho murmurs into his skin and Taeyong frowns as he sees Youngho playing with the loose threads of his jumper. "I know you will. You’re a good person, you deserve everything in the world."

Taeyong is a realistic person. Happiness has always been a far fetched and abstract concept to him. It's not that he's unhappy, but he's just. Well. Prudent, one might say. Though how one could be prudent at the thought of being happy is perhaps a hard concept for a person like Youngho to understand. Because Youngho is the type of person who lives their life with an overflowing sense of positivity, a never-ending faith in everything. And Taeyong sort of envies him for that.

“Why the frown?” Youngho asks so softly. He turns to his side and reach out to rub the furrowing brow off of Taeyong’s face. Taeyong blushes under the attention, and Youngho is looking at him strangely, like he can't believe that Taeyong is here and Taeyong is real. The look on his face is just too much, so Taeyong tries to avoid his eyes, but Youngho won't let him. Smiling, the alpha catches him by the chin, kissing his lids before lacing his fingers with Taeyong's own. And it’s weird that even now when they’re together in every sense of the word, Taeyong would still feel the unexpected jolt whenever Youngho's hand finding his own, the pleasant buzz run up his arms and neck, making him tremble inside. 

“Do you know why I’m here?” Youngho is looking at him with so much gentleness in his eyes.

Taeyong thinks about the many reasons, but he’s too afraid of the wrong one. He looks at the tender look on Youngho’s face, the way he’s yet to let go of Taeyong’s hand. His heart knows. He's not the dreaming type, but for this one moment, Taeyong let himself be. **_I think I know._**

“I’m here because I’m in love with you,” Youngho says so tenderly, as if he’s afraid of Taeyong not getting with what he’s trying to say. “And I know that I haven’t been the best person for you, but Taeyong, I love you.”

And there it is. The answering call to his pitch. It doesn't come with a blaring horn section nor a sweeping violin note, instead it answers almost quietly. And it tilts the axis of his universe just right. And it's his.

Taeyong leans up to bite underside of Youngho’s jaw, feeling the prickly stubble and kissing the fleshiness of his cheeks, his nose. Lips. Youngho starts to hum, purring almost, like the big cat that he is. And when he stops, Youngho is looking at him with such wild eyes. “I love you, I love you. I think, I love you too much.”

Taeyong laughs even though it probably sounds more like a gasp, and he parts his lips, soft and willing and for a few seconds they stay like this, barely touching. But then Youngho leans down and kisses him with such intention, a full expression of the words he cannot say. He kisses him, like Taeyong's the only thing that exists in the moment, like the universe.

It's perhaps the right beginning for them. Later when they are sated and content, they’ll talk about it. There are a so many things that Taeyong wants to say, but right now, with Youngho’s skin is warm under his fingers, Taeyong is content to let the desire takes over, to let Youngho swept him off of his feet. Just as he always do.

-

Taeyong gets the email on a Friday morning. It’s an admission for further audition process for Berlin Philharmonic. All of his friends are excited as they should be. It’s one of the best in the world. Taeyong doesn’t know what to think.

What he has with Youngho is still new and fresh. Would he be willing to throw it all away for this one, precious chance? Taeyong knows the answer.

And Youngho understands him too. “Go,” he says. He looks sad but also happy.

"Wherever you are in this world, I will find you, love you –" 

Taeyong shushes him with fingers upon his pouty lips. He laughs because Youngho is a hopeless romantics, **_and marry me?_**

“Yeah, maybe.” Youngho giggles softly, “when we are older.”

It will be a tough journey, but Taeyong is willing to try. 

-

“You look nervous, hyung.”

It’s true. Taeyong has been a nervous wreck since the moment he arrives at the backstage. Which is unexpected of him. People knows how much of a talented cellist Taeyong is, plus the Christmas concert is an annual gig that Taeyong’s been participating since his early days as a member of the Philharmonics

“I don’t know what got you so worked up, hyung. But we’ll do fine.” Ten is grinning as he takes Taeyong’s hand in his. Taeyong squeezes back and smiles. 

Ten is right. 

On the stage, under the lights and cheers of the crowd, the cello drowns everything. His doubt. His fears. All of his anxieties and worries. For a moment, they are all forgotten.

For a moment there’s only him and his cello. Magic in the air and the music all around them

\--

Youngho waits for him at the end of the stage. He’s smiling and there are flowers in his hands. 

And somewhere in the pocket of his suit, a ring is safely kept.

**Author's Note:**

> as you probably can tell, i am not a musician at the slightest, so please do forgive the errors of this fic
> 
> this fic is like the first complete piece i've ever written in years. i'm usually not into exchange because for the life of me, i just can't seem to follow a prompt right, e.g: this fic. and it was so very bold of me to assume that i can write and do finals at the same time, i honest to god nearly cried when finishing this fic
> 
> i sincerely hope that [taeyongseo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyongseo/pseuds/taeyongseo) won't be too disappointed with the outcome, and that i'm not ruining her yuletide because yeah this is like most half baked college/abo/conservatory/cellist au ever. and miss carly deserves all the nice things in the world
> 
> thank you for reading this, and i wish everyone a happy christmas ♥
> 
> [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1uiRMWrlAPcdoWEKisvzKj) playlist  
> ask me questions [here](https://curiouscat.me/aewing)


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